according to the publicity material , with this movie the directors " hope to restore good old-fashioned bowling to its rightful place in the mainstream of american consciousness . " 
hmm . 
you never know , they just might be on to something . 
what with the rise of geek chic , lounge music and seventies fashion , the ever-contrary kids of the nineties might just latch on to bowling as another terminally unhip bastion of tackyana to claim as their own . 
but then , i doubt if kingpin will have anything to do with it . 
it's cheesy all right , but connoisseurs of bad taste will find this film exudes that bland smell of stale jokes rather than the invigorating stink of true kitsch . 
that's a shame , because , in the first ten minutes or so the film promises to be a lot more . 
woody harrelson plays the hotshot bowler on the rise , roy munson . 
the movie opens in the fifties with roy's dad dishing out the reader's digest/gumpian wisdom in scoopfuls , shifting to the 70s for a hilarious spoof of saturday night fever . 
the sardonic tone of the proceedings is much enhanced by the presence of bill murray , as the delectably slimy big ern mcracken . 
it's thanks to murray that the first quarter of kingpin seems so good - he gives the wry , derisive edge to this otherwise rather unfocused comedy . 
mccracken dupes munson into a hustling job , then abandons him to an angry mob who mangle roy's hand . 
then it's fast forward 17 years later when munson is a fat , balding loser with a prosthetic rubber hand . 
he's hopeless until he meets ishmael ( randy quaid ) , an amish amateur bowler that munson takes on as protege . 
so together they set out for the million dollar bowling tournament in reno , picking up pretty hustler claudia ( vanessa angel ) on the way . 
with the exit of bill murray , the filmmakers seem to have only one direction to go , and that's . . . 
dumb and dumber . 
yes , indeed , kingpin is brought to you by those modern proponents of laxative humour , peter and bobby farrelly , the directors of the aforementioned jim carrey vehicle . 
so , prepare for much slaparound comedy with flying rubber hands , distended nipples , ridiculous hair and bull semen . 
get set for stock fish-out-of-water situations when city-boy roy puts on a beard and tries to blend in with the amish community , or when suaku straitlaced ishmael takes on smoking , striptease and unchristian neighbour-socking . 
now , don't get me wrong , there's nothing wrong with cheap humour , and i had my fair share of lavatorial laughs with woody and randy . 
the trouble is that these jokes aren't bold or funny enough to drive a movie that bumbles along without much sense of direction . 
it lurches from sports movie to amish-mocking to road-trip to sentimental melodrama , ( pausing for a broadside spoof of indecent proposal , and many shameless plugs for the accompanying pop soundtrack ) , never quite getting it all together . 
some gags fall flat from a lack of build-up , while there are bits and pieces in the movie that simply don't do anything . 
why the long , unfunny fight in the car park ? 
why two of these ? 
why does that guy wear mascara , or that guy have a glass bowling ball with a rose in it ? 
the film is full of these half-thought-through ideas that give the impression of any old gaffer , grip or makeup artist throwing in random stuff and saying , " wouldn't that be funny ? " . 
well , no , actually . 
the actors don't do the movie much favours either . 
woody harrelson comes off okay , plausibly acting dumb , smart , cynical or innocent when the implausible script calls for it , but randy quaid is a ceaseless ham , and vanessa angel has no talent ( like schwarzenegger , she seems more convincing playing a computer-creation than a human -- take the tv series weird science . . . please 
 ) . 
even murray hams it up when he reappears in the movie's climax . 
all in all , a fairly useless attempt at comedy , and a certified no-hoper at kickstarting the bowling renaissance . 
we'll have to look to a reinspired john waters , or perhaps somebody from down under ( " strictly bowling " , anyone ? ) for the definitive bowling comedy . 
the flying inkpot's rating system : * wait for the video . 
 * * a little creaky , but still better than staying at home with gotcha ! 
 * * * pretty good , bring a friend . 
 * * * * amazing , potent stuff . 
 * * * * * perfection . 
see it twice .